good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Randomize
