Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
this will be a night to untag.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
