I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
why is half of my head shaved?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
