Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize