If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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