I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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