So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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