i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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