Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
