sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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