things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
