Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
as a side note pls kill me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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