Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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