And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
