I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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