No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i was born a porn star she said
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
