Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
