Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
