chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
