Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
