He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize