I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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