A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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