i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
