This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
