Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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