he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
