Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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