So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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