i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
