you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
