i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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