what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
