Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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