stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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