Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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