I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
