I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
