You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
