I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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