I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
