Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize