They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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