He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
