It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
