tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
