Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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