The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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