I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
