I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
