omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
