Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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