best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
