i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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