oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
