i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
