Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
