I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
