Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
