Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I can text with my tongue
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
