: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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