Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
