Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
