I'm laying in your front yard are you home
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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