just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
