Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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