I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
