there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
