he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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