you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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