he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
