Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
