Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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