i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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