woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
