I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
