Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
