We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
