Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
