she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
