As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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