You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
