I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
